Coming out as a student

I have this psychological thing that makes me wary of talking to people about plans and projects I have until they are definite. I guess I just don't like to hear what people think about what I'm doing unless I'm actually doing it. It's like, why would someone be excited about me going to school in Maine when I'm not yet going to school in Maine. Due to that particular part of my nature it took me months to tell anyone I was applying for school.

I'll be honest, I wasn't too confident I would actually be going. For one, my school record is pretty depressing, and also because I have spent the last ten years trying to go to school in California. As some of you are aware, California schools seem like they are instructed to never accept anyone under any circumstances. In the past when I've actually had good grades and been optimistic about school there was nothing quite like applying to Sac State to really destroy my hopes and dreams. At one time I applied to UC Davis and got a surprising amount of optimism from the admittance counselor to the extent of actually being told I was accepted by her and invited to new student orientation. Two days after I attended orientation I got a letter from UCD telling me I had been rejected. One of my worst moments and last time, I thought, I would ever apply to school.

Why and how I applied to Maine is no matter accept to say that it was kinda an accident and though I knew it wasn't the most picky school system I was still fairly sure I would be rejected. I didn't want to say to people "Hey! I'm going to school in Maine!... nevermind" so I kept it too myself. I realized I had to tell someone, if nothing more then to have someone say "I told you so" should I get in, or "We still believe in you" should I not. The two big ones, my parents and my roommates, I left in the dark the longest.

The thing is my parents have heard enough about me applying to school and being rejected and I really wasn't thrilled at trying to explain to them exactly what I was doing anyway. I wanted to make sure there was no going back before I told my mother, and as for my father I probably would have preferred to wait until I graduated to tell him because I knew he'd want an explanation and a solid plan and I had neither. All I knew is there was a program I liked and I needed to be someplace other then Sacramento.

My reason from keeping it from my roommates was more practical. I didn't want to say to tell them I might be moving when I might not be moving after all. There's really no reason for it. If i get in I hoped I knew soon enough to give a proper 30 days, if I didn't get in ignorance would have been bliss.

In the end my mother found out earlier then I wanted. How I don't remember, but I do remember I wanted her to understand that I had some semblance of a plan, I wasn't just collecting bed sores in front of the TV. She told my Dad and it sorta steamrolled through the rest of my immediate family. My roommates, for the most part, I managed to keep in the dark until the very end. In fact, when I was accepted to the University of Southern Maine, my back-up school, my good friend and roommate Greg was in Oregon so he didn't even hear about in until two days later.

So now step one is complete, I'm in, somehow, and I'm leaving in October. Step two is getting all my shit in boxes, and let me tell you, that is a whole lotta shit. I remember moving from my last place in East Sac to the house I'm currently at as a difficult one, but I didn't have much lead time. This one seems to be going smoother. I think part of it is that I'm far more willing to actually get rid of a lot of my goods. This isn't a simple move across town, I'm moving all the way across the country! I have to prioritize, and that means leaving behind all the little pieces of nothing I never pay attention to. Despite my tendency to collect (it's not a hoard) I haven't had much difficulty parting with my things... except for my books.

I limited myself to 20 fiction books, 20 non-fiction books, and 20 pocket books, and that's on top of a whole box of reference books I'm sure to need. I couldn't even keep the count down to 60. I boxed all the books I was taking first so that I could then just quickly put the rest in boxes to be stored, but as I was going through I kept finding more and more books I wanted with me. Most I was able to put aside anyway, but a few, less then a box so far, I couldn't let go of. What am I gonna do? I know I'm going to want these books but I also know space and time are at a premium. Well, I'm taking two bookcases with me and I know that even with the added books I won't fill them both so I guess I'll just take them.

With my time in Sacramento coming to an end, I'm not just worried about boxing my stuff, I'm also interested if fulfilling some goals I've never accomplished. The main one is eating at Frank Fat's. For those of you unfamiliar with Frank Fat's, it's a Chinese restaurant downtown that, from the outside, looks exactly like some 1930s gangster club. Think the beginning of Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom. I hear inside is nothing like that, but it's been a dream of mine since I first moved here. The rest of my "To do" list is pretty much all restaurant based. What can I say, I love food and small-town-Maine isn't exactly the best place for Moroccan, Ethiopian, or even Mexican, so I hope to get my fill of ethnic foods before I go. I'm really gonna miss all that.

(Next time: My first visit. Thoughts on the campus. Finding a place to live.)